I Can Never Go Back, Not Really

I guess a lot of people are coming back to Livejournal now that people are (quite justifiably) souring on Facebook. Here is the true and complete reason why I am not able to ever come back to Livejournal in a serious and involved way:

When I first came back to Seattle in '09, I worked for like 2 months at a company called WDS Global, which basically did outsourced tech support for phone companies. In that capacity I met a guy named Ameni who I seeeeeemed to really hit it off with. We hung out outside of work, even (something I almost never do with coworkers), went to Folklife with his roommates, and then even hooked up a couple times. I was even diapered at least one of the times we hooked up, so I had at least at some point (I don't remember the details) confided in him that that was My Kink. So like, you know. A Real Friend, ostensibly.

Then one day, he just, like up and disappeared. Even his roommates didn't know where he had gone. Dude was a ghost.

Thing is: I had also, the last time I'd slept over, left my laptop at his place, and I was never able to recover it... and... there was service that used to exist, I don't know, maybe it still does, I can't remember what it was called, that would archive your livejournal. And even if you made a new post, EVEN if it was friends-only or private, it would add the new post to the archive. And I had this service, on that laptop. So like, for all I know, Ameni, and anyone else to whom he transmitted it, may have access to it.

Maybe I should just, haha, at this late stage, create a whole new LJ.
I Am That Bunny!

Oh hey

Also, I guess I should let you know, lj: Oscar and I are getting married, too, on June 27th. So, that's pretty exciting.
I Am That Bunny!

(no subject)

I met circafox and fritzywolf in 2005, shortly after they'd started dating, when we were all living in the Chicago area. By the time I moved to SLC in 2007, we'd become very close. In 2009, they ended up moving to Seattle within 2 months of me, and we renewed our friendship. Two weeks from today, they are getting married. fritzywolf asked me to be his best man. As may be obvious, I have a very hard time connecting with people, so this meant a lot to me.

Among other duties, he asked me to write a poem to read at their wedding. Without giving it much thought, I told him I'd be happy to try my hand at an epithalamium. Just now, I started taking a first crack at the piece. The working title is "Epithalamium for Circa and Fritz", but having not recently seen the word written out, I thought it would be wise to verify I was spelling it correctly. Turns out I was... but the definition was a bit more nuanced than I had been aware of. My impression was that an epithalamium was any poem written to be read at a wedding, but more precisely, it is actually "a poem written specifically for the bride on the way to her marital chamber".


That is not exactly what I had in mind.
I Am That Bunny!

Stegosaurus Forest

I didn't get that job, either of them.

I'm on unemployment now, and that should keep me from sinking entirely, but the prospects for new employment are rather grim. My resume is, for a 35 year old man, kind of shitty. There are major gaps in my employment and I've never held any job for very long nor shown evidence of any ambition toward advancement. My career has been very un-distinguished.

I have a friend who works in a retail position that he likes but is interested in a job at a credit union for which he's being interviewed. If he gets it, I may try to see if I can get in at his current job. I am also considering entering into a CNA certification program or something similar. This would require remaining on unemployment longer, which I am distinctly uncomfortable with.

Other than that specter on my back, things have been good. The extra free time afforded by being unemployed has helped me reconnect with some people, and some emotional and mental states.

I've been thinking about going out and trying to do shows and push my book but I'm fiercely averse to self-promotion, for complex and entangled reasons I don't fully comprehend and don't feel capable of articulating in any meaningful way. Still, it just feels like: I have all this TIME, and I have this BOOK, so why wouldn't I be out there telling people about it? What the hell is wrong with me?

Anyway, it's 6am, and I'm very tired.
I Am That Bunny!


Oh geez lj, it's been a long time, huh?

So here's what's up: I've got a book out, Zebra Feathers, which you can buy here:

and I'm performing on an internet radio show tomorrow night which you can listen to here: The show runs 6pm-8pm EDT-- my set is 15 minutes, will probably be ~6:15pm.

In other news, I'm still living in Seattle, making this the longest I've lived in the same place since leaving NYC in 2001, and I'm still dating Oscar, making this the longest relationship I've ever been in. Our 3rd anniversary is in June. I happily anticipate spending the rest of my life with him, but want to wait a couple years yet before formally proposing.

I lost my job as a game tester a couple weeks ago, but am not terribly worried about it-- applied at a used computer parts store a friend works at, would be pretty surprised if I don't get that.

I don't slam anymore-- I came to the conclusion that the competition messes with my head. I don't like the way I find myself thinking and acting when competition is involved--can't even handle it as an uninvolved spectator, unfortunately. Perhaps as a direct consequence, these days almost all my friends are furries-- I have very few connections left within the poetry world. This used to bother me, but I've gotten used to it, and it seems to've helped my writing, in that I've gotten back to writing for myself again. I think getting the book out helped with that, too.

I hope you are all well, lj folks. Maybe I'll see you again another time.
I Am That Bunny!

Open Apology to Christopher Johnson

A few years ago, I sent a friend request on Facebook to the poet Christopher Johnson.

He responded, to the best of my memory "After what you said about me on Livejournal? You can't be serious. Let's just be polite to each other at poetry events and leave it at that."

He was referring to an entry I made in 2004.

The situation was this:

I had qualified for the Worcester poetry slam team and the Boston-Lizard Lounge team. Also qualified for the latter team was the poet Delisile Godeffroy-Taylor, for whose work I had great respect. Due to some situation in her personal life-- I don't remember the details, and may not have ever known them, she was unable to commit to the team, so Christopher would have replaced her.

I opted to be on the Worcester team instead. I made an entry describing this sequence of events in which I cited not wanting to be on a team with Christopher because I didn't respect his work or want to be on a team with him as a significant reason I was going on the Worcester team. I might've used profanity in my description of his work, or possibly of him. I'm too ashamed to look up the entry right now and quote directly, but whatever I said, I'm sure it was cruel, and mean-spirited. The truth is, I didn't even have an opinion of his poetry, particularly, it was just a convenient narrative to explain the decision, to myself as much as to anyone.

Tonight I wanted to send him a note on Facebook apologizing, but "Christopher Johnson" is a pretty common name, and I wasn't able to with confidence determine which one was him, so I'm making the apology public. Given that the initial injury was public, I guess that's appropriate. Christopher: I'm sorry I publicly disrespected you and your poetry.
I Am That Bunny!

I Need Your Help

This is a video of me performing "The Puppy Who Would Be Pope", accompanied by Fiddleback, recorded and edited by Wyvern Aldinger:

20% of the Write Bloody selection process is how many upvotes the submission video gets.

I would therefore be ever so grateful if you would upvote this video-- and even more grateful if you would repost it elsewhere. This is going on through the month of May-- winners announced 6/1.

Thanks! <3
I Am That Bunny!

Essay on Furry

A tiger of my friendly acquaintancship of whom I think very highly wrote this excellent essay on furry. He touches on many things I've thought about and agree with, and articulates them better than I'm capable.