Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Morris Stegosaurus' LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 21st, 2017
2:50 pm	Tentatively Open for Business? Sort of? ( Requisite 'if you want to buy poetry from me' entry, actual content below ) (2 Windmills | Tilt)
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
2:28 pm	Where I Went Wrong For a while now-- years-- I've been bellyaching about feeling disconnecting from both the poetry scene and from the furry scene, but haven't been able to identify any clear reason why I have such a hard time connecting with them. I woke up this morning (an amazing feat in itself, since I went to sleep ~6am) with an unhappy epiphany-- everything started to go slippery on me all the way back in 2003. I may not have all of the chronology exactly right, but here's how I'm remembering it today: In '02, I'd been on the Seattle team, and we made finals at NPS-- my second year in a row on the finals stage (and last), and I parlayed that success into my first real tour, with insafemode-- I was on top of my game, and had the respect and goodwill of the poetry scene at large. When the tour wound down in Spring '03, I was settling down in Chicago. Shortly after arriving-- or possibly it was shortly before-- I got an email from chmarasocks about how Derrick Brown was spending the year in Normal and going out for the Normal team with him and Robbie Q. Telfer, and how I totally ought to go out for the team, too. Rather than enthusiastically jumping on this awesome and exciting opportunity, I sent him back a stern admonition about the unethical nature of hand-picked teams, and not wanting to steal a spot away from a hardworking young local poet. And when I got back to Chicago again in '05 (after a year in Worcester and a 2nd tour), I wondered why the Chicago poetry scene seemed to pretty much shun me: who wants to invite a guy to come do poet stuff with you when you run the risk of being smacked with a condescending and misguided ethics lecture? I've been thinking today how my life would be different now if I'd instead rolled with that. I do not like admitting it, but I look at Joel and Robbie and Derrick's careers with no small amount of jealousy, and shame that I've not been able to achieve as much-- how much more and better would I be doing now, in every meaningful respect, if I'd been on the team with them back in '03, and used that time to bond and connect with them? There's a worse thing, too: it's taken me 6 years to realize the folly of my response-- what other ways have I continued to be the lame, unfun curmudgeon since then? Is it not reasonable to surmise this is why I feel so estranged? I used to pride myself on how self-aware I am, but what if my supposed self-awareness is a misapprehension, and example of my actual lack of self-awareness? Am I completely blind to the non-positive way people are reacting to me, like, all the time? Or, hahaha, is it just Seattle? Will all be right as rain as soon as I get back to Portland? Yes, totally, of course: I am awesome, I have always been awesome-- it is just Seattle that sucks donkey balls, damn it. (25 Windmills | Tilt)
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
2:11 pm	Names When I lived in New York I knew a girl named Autumn Versace. Rather than like the Italian designer, her family pronounced the name with two syllables, like it rhymed with "ace". There's an Orson Scott Card book with a character named Penelope, pronounced with three syllables: "Penny-lope". There's a furry up in Vancouver who spells his name "Trapa", but insists that it's pronounced as if it were spelled "Trappa", with a short rather than a long a. furociousgenom pronounces his name like it's spelled "Genome", with a long rather than short o. Names like this... puzzle me. I have mixed feelings-- I support the motility of language and the right of an individual to spell and pronounce her, his or whatever differently-gendered-pronoun one would prefer, name however he/she/[pronoun of choice] pleases, but is there a line beyond which one ought not cross lest one be deemed a pretentious jackass? Could I spell my name "Mo3rris", and insist that the 3 is silent? Could I spell my name "Josh" and insist it's pronounced Kevin? Could I spell my name "KX59-7@" and insist it's pronounced Jehosephat? At what point does free expression cross over into dumbfuck asshattery? Also, Anfernee Hardaway. I don't know what to make of that either. (23 Windmills | Tilt)
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
4:17 am	An Observation I have never been a big fan of the movie "The Shining", but I have devised a means to make it vastly more entertaining: Pretend it is a sequel to "As Good As It Gets". (5 Windmills | Tilt)
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
2:21 am	What Is Furry to Me? This isn't a universal explanation of furry, but it's close as I've ever gotten to explaining what it means to me (it kinda snuck up on me): 2:14 AM [redacted] But truthfully i just want to be a little boy i want to be able to snuggle up to people and be happy.. 2:15 AM [redacted] make other people happy.. Me 2:16 AM [ME]: I know how you feel, I really do. I wish the world were that simple. 2:17 AM [redacted] lot of people i hear say they should of been born as a different gender or w/e But.. I really do feel that i should of been born a dog. 2:18 AM [ME] I think what furry's all about-- at least to me-- is bringing the best of the animal world into the rational, human world; being able to love and be affectionate like a dog, while still being able to be brilliant and innovative like a human, if that makes sense at all. 2:19 AM [redacted] I believe that too.. 2:19 AM [ME] Arrgh, but the rub is that being human comes with all that pressure to achieve. Being a dog, all you have to do is be affectionate and loyal. 2:20 AM [ME] But sometimes being a dog for a while makes it easier to be a human when you need to be. (7 Windmills | Tilt)
Monday, October 19th, 2009
8:47 am	Wild Money's been tight for a while now-- there are a lot of movies that came out this year that I wanted to see but did not allow myself to: Watchmen, Star Trek, Harry Potter 6, District 9, just off the type of my head. Last night I went with some friends to see Where the Wild Things Are (which, where else but Portland can you see a movie on opening weekend for $4?). I emphatically and unambiguously loved everything about it, from beginning to end (except maybe the soundtrack, which was once or twice a little too pop for my tastes). Every shot is visually interesting, and on several occasions elicited an involuntary "wow" reaction-- the performances are all excellent, including (especially) the 12 year old lead, from whom I expect great things, and I cannot remember the last time I was so emotionally moved by a movie. Possibly never. The movie understands and communicates the experience of being a child better than anything I've ever seen, made me revisit feelings and memories from my own sometimes difficult childhood I haven't thought about it in years. I cried on three separate occasions-- and not like a little leaking around the corners, but full on body-shaking, sobbing, tears streaking my face, wrecked. It was a rough time, but cathartic. It didn't occur to me until today, but the dialogue reminds me (favorably) of the Goonies. I liked that movie well enough as a kid, but seeing it as an adult, I was struck by how embarrassingly tin-eared Chris Columbus' dialogue was. He obviously doesn't understand how children really talk. Dave Eggers (who did Wild Things' screenplay) gets it. Also, from a furry perspective: I've never seen anything in any medium that I think more effectively expresses the ethos of furry, as I understand it, to a non-furry audience-- it's all about keeping the better of these childlike qualities alive in one's adult life. Well, plus who doesn't love a big giant furpile? I don't usually read reviews until after I've seen a movie, and looking at some this morning I'm shocked-- shocked!-- at what appears to be the consensus that this movie is perhaps too dark and sad for children. It is very dark, yes, and also very sad, and if you do not think children can handle and even embrace this, you are not very up on your children's literature for the last, like, forever (see for one obvious example Der Struwwelpeter)-- children can not only handle, but also thrive on this kind of emotional depth and complexity, and coddling and infantilizing them by trying to "protect" children from things like this does them no favors, in the long run. mojodragonfly suggests that this movie should be called "Where the Melancholy Things Are"-- a certain lonely melancholia has always been part of wildness-- this movie understands that. I have additional thoughts, but first: ( SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! ) (18 Windmills | Tilt)
Saturday, October 17th, 2009
3:43 am	Forgotten Dialogue Someone once told me of an exchange they'd either witnessed or participated in-- I can't remember which, but I know for sure it was first hand: Person 1: I don't really like Noh Theater. Person 2: What, no theater at all? I have no idea who told me about this, but it popped into my head tonight. Does this ring a bell to anyone reading this? (9 Windmills | Tilt)
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
9:01 am	The Hat Boy Incident I've been kicking this entry around in my head for a while-- it's way after the fact now, but I thought I'd go ahead and put this out there: In 2005 I visited Salt Lake City. During that visit, I went to a couple poetry readings. I'm very bad with names and quickly forgot theirs, but I distinctly remember meeting two people: one was a really nice, enthusiastic, friendly guy I really felt like I got along with-- the other, a friend of the first, seemed kinda pretentious and standoffish and like generally not a very nice person at all. I'm awful about remembering people, and the only identifying characteristic I could later remember about either was that the latter was wearing all black and a black hat. tugsie and I referred to him as Hat Boy. When I moved to SLC in 2007, I was discussing this incident with shaesinister, trying to figure out who the two guys were-- he couldn't identify the former, but after some discussion, we agreed that the latter must've been Zoe Dmitri, who had since moved to Ithaca. Later on, Brian Frandsen moved back to SLC, and we had a couple long and interesting conversations at a couple parties, and I concluded that he must've been the first guy, though we didn't actually discuss it. Then when Zoe came to nationals in August (this might have actually preceded the previous paragraph; not entirely sure of the chronology), I, remembering him as '05's "Hat Boy", was standoffish toward him, and generally not interested in talking to or interacting with him much at all, and took his attempts to do so with me as sort of ingratiating and presumptuous, given our previous interaction. Later still, when Zoe moved back to SLC, it came out over some drunken discussion one night that... you probably guessed this already... Frandsen was Hat Boy, and Zoe was the one I'd connected with in '05. Oops. I explained the error, apologized profusely to Zoe, but I don't think we were ever able to really connect again for the remainder of my time out there (in retrospect, part of that failure was directly related to my massive depression over how things were going with Ammon at the time, but still, my inadvertent douchebaggery in '07 could not have helped). Another thing that gets to me about this incident is that if I'd correctly remember Frandsen as Hat Boy when he moved back, I would've cold-shouldered him the same way I had Zoe, and he turned out to be a pretty neat guy in his own right. It's a constant struggle to be a better person. (3 Windmills | Tilt)
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
4:42 am	Change of Scene (again) Am back in Portland, and Portland remains awesome. I was worried that it wouldn't. I found a ride down on Craigslist with what turns out to be a really terrific guy-- works as an actor and freelance hair stylist, long time Seattle native. It further turns out he'd seen me perform at the Globe 8 years ago and is, uh, "a fan". It feels weird to say that. Also, one of his clients is Adrian Ryan, with whom I was (very) briefly involved back in 2001-- AND, he's friends with Avery, who is one of the three guys living at the place I was just staying in Seattle. It's all so terribly Dickensian. So, anyway. While we were on the way down (Sunday night), he was on the phone with the friend he's visiting, who told him about a friend of his who has a friend who was hosting an open mic in her backyard tonight (Monday). I was skeptical, but it was terrific-- easily the best poetry thing I've been to in Portland so far-- lots of original, interesting stuff-- and the kids running it (turns out this was only the 3rd time they've done it) have all kinds of lofty plans about moving into an art gallery and turning into a whole big multimedia kind of event. Related to that, here's a very good example of why I like Portland better than Seattle: one of the kids was telling me about their plans and I said something like "that all sounds great-- I'm really looking forward to seeing what you kids put together", and he was all like "nah man, it's not you kids, it's us kids". Just like that. To be clear: the people at this thing-- Eric (the guy who drove down) is the one I've known longest, and I met him yesterday-- and I already feel like I'm connected in a meaningful way. Whereas in Seattle I feel like I've been beating my spirit into a bloody pulp trying to connect, and I've got precious little to show for it. Also, sold 5 chapbooks, which is a lot for just reading on an open mic. Also nice. So. I'm going to be back in Seattle 10/24 for glaucon's birthday, and will likely stay through Seattle Poetry Slam semifinals on 11/4, and then will do everything in my power to set up long term camp down here for the indefinite future. 'Cause I like it way better (though I do plan to still visit Seattle on occasion, say, once every couple of months or so). (4 Windmills | Tilt)
Thursday, October 1st, 2009
3:42 pm	Vancouver Set! Vancouver's Warren Dean Fulton has posted my Vancouver set on You Tube! Here it is: 10 minute "mashup" of whole night, including only one piece of mine, Jesus Christ Bunny Superstar What to Do in the Event of a Plane Crash (the one PANK's publishing, slightly altered) "It's All True and Her Name Is Peg" and "How Has the Recession Affected You Personally?" (not my finest performance of either) Maria Callahan Big Man 6: Big Man's Generic, All Purpose, Sure Fire, Never Miss Love Poem should be here, but Warren has apparently made an Editorial Decision. I admit, it was perhaps a little too far over the top. "An Incomplete Outline of the 13 Steps to Becoming" and "Fingerfood Jesus" (Tilt)
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
3:25 am	Back Vancouver show went not super-awesome-spectacular, but still, pretty well overall. Thanks very much to monkeypudding for having me in; we'll have to do this again sometime, hopefully before another 4 years pass. Also: got to meet skonen_blades and superjill in person, and this was very cool. Oh! And I got to meet Magpie Ulysses, who has my favorite stage name ever. A funny thing: when I first got back up to Seattle on 8/21, I was very unhappy and itching to get back to Portland as soon as possible-- but now I feel like I'm starting to connect a little with the poets AND the furries, and plus I've got this sorta "thing" goin' on with galiindarkcloud now, kinda sorta a little, and he's pretty terrific and, well... I don't want to go. I mean, I do. I totally want to-- there are people in Portland I want to see, and things I want to do, and plus the cost of living is ALOT cheaper-- and... Portland's neat and everything... ...but... Damn it. I will be back soon. Somehow, I'll split my time between the two cities. Yes. That'll totally work. (5 Windmills | Tilt)
Monday, September 28th, 2009
12:28 am	Revelation My self-consciousness about whether people like me is the very quality in me that people find most unlikable. Durrrr. [Further explication: because it's a manifestation of my self-absorption which is, in fact, the underlying problem.] (3 Windmills | Tilt)
Sunday, September 27th, 2009
1:46 pm	Aftermath The party I went to last night was absolutely delightful-- easily the most fun I've ever had with a large gathering of furries. Good times. The con was up and down (I'll get back to that later, maybe), but I think, after ~5 years, I'm finally starting to hit my stride with furry. On a less happy note: I learned last night that circafox and fritzywolf's awesome new-ish roommate Moto is moving back to Chicago, having failed to find a job out here. But, this is what people do. People come and go so quickly here. I was just saying to glaucon the other day that I don't have anyone left in Chicago to whom I feel connected. Now I will again... so there's that. Returning to the con: much of the good-- and some small part of the bad-- had to do with my interactions with galiindarkcloud, the rat boy who I have perhaps mentioned on one or more occasions. Last night, we had a really long and good talk-and-cuddle, and I am now way more at ease and comfortable with where things are between us, and I think he is, too. I also met some people last night who'd I'd previously known by name and reputation only and seemed to get on well enough with-- and had a very nice talk with one Corran Fox, who, though only 27, has been involved in furry for fifteen years, and seems like an entirely good egg, as eggs go. Tomorrow I go perform in Vancouver, then back Tuesday, then, since I may as well stick around one more day, Seattle Poetry Slam on Wednesday (FEATURING BRIAN ELLIS!!), then-- in theory, if I can find a ride on CL right away, down to Portland on Thursday. And then, questionmarkquestionmarkquestionmark (2 Windmills | Tilt)
Thursday, September 24th, 2009
5:20 am	Holy shit, holy shit! Hot on the heels of PANK Magazine accepting "What to Do in the Event of a Plane Crash" yesterday, Poesia has this morning selected "Morning Bells" for their Spring 2010 issue (which, incidentally, is their final issue). I am so sending out a fuckton of new submissions over the next couple of days. Fuck yeah! (8 Windmills | Tilt)
Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
6:28 pm	I Are a Published Poet! Con report still pending, but just wanted to say real quick: My poem "What to Do in the Event of a Plane Crash" will be appearing (online) in either the December or January issue of PANK Magazine, which, incidentally, has also published scottwoods, jbradley, mongobear, postmaudlin, taylormali, twosnoos (Shappy half), Lauren Wheeler and Steve Subrizi, so, you know: good place for y'all performance poet types to look into submitting. Will post a link when it goes up. Rock. Yeah, I'm kind of ditching the whole keeping my clever pen name (Keith Kurzman) and my real name (Morris Stegosaurus) separate thing by posting this publicly. But, eh. Woooooooooo!! (10 Windmills | Tilt)
Saturday, September 19th, 2009
11:16 am	Once Again R (2 Windmills | Tilt)
Friday, September 18th, 2009
10:34 am	Con Jitters This is my fourth furry con, the previous three having been FC in 2005, MFF in 2005 and FC in 2006. So, it's been ~3.5 years. Also, boixboi and I had just gotten together before FC '05, were in trouble and a little over a month from breaking up at MFF '05, and had just broken up a couple weeks prior to FC '06. So, this is my first con without boixboi in the mix, which is rather a double-edged sword-- good in that there won't be relationship angst about, but bad in that I am super-incredibly shy in general, and especially so among furries, and I won't have him around to hold my hand and introduce me to people. I feel like a High School kid who just transfered into a new school where everyone's known each other since kindergarten, and I maybe know a couple people I've met at summer camp once or twice a few years ago. As a general rule, I avoid uppers, but I've been slamming back coffee in an effort to bolster my confidence and equanimity. Possibly this is ill-advised. That remains to be seen. I think I am awesome and likable and people should want to spend time with and get to know me and stuff. I just have to convince them, is all. (4 Windmills | Tilt)
3:14 am	On Objectivism Staying at queueball's place for the duration of RainFurrest. I notice Atlas Shrugged on his bookshelf, and say "but you're not an objectivist, right?" His response, as near as I can remember: "No, I'm not; In a way, calling yourself an objectivist is like calling yourself "otherkin". That's all well and good, but you should really just go to a convention and hang out with all the other people who believe in fairies." (Tilt)
Monday, September 14th, 2009
2:29 am	Podcast, featuring MEEEEEE!!!! Incidentally... those who have not heard me before and might like to-- as well as those who've heard me before, and for whatever crazy reason might want to again-- may enjoy this, which is a podcast of my set in Bellingham from 8/31. I am too embarrassed by the sound of my own voice to listen to it, so cannot vouch for the quality. Here is the little intro that I think Robert Huston wrote (though I am not sure): "Zany is a complex word; now meaning an overeager goofball, the word originally comes from the Italian zanni, the masked clown who relentlessly mocks the behaviors and pretensions of the lead actor. Morris Stegosaurus spits poems that crackle equally with outrage and humor, bouncing frenetically from the Animaniacs to semen to apocalyptic Biblical prophecy." Yup, they've sure got my number up there in the B-Ham. (5 Windmills | Tilt)
2:16 am	Returned from the Olympic Peninsula Got back from the cabin tonight, which I did not realize the extent to which the rain forest we've got up in here is, like.... Dude. Dooooood. SASQUATCH! SAAAAASQUAAAATCH!!! (sasquatch) I did not actually see anything resembling a sasquatch. But still, wow. Lots of wow. I cannot even begin to describe. So, I won't. Wow. (2 Windmills | Tilt)